Confidence Is Key: How I deal with writing anxiety

I admit it, I'm not great at distancing myself from the writing. I don't mean every book has myself as a character in it (although they all have pieces of me floating around inside their heads), but when it comes to releasing something into the wild and then forgetting it, I can't do it.

A common thing among writers, and really anyone giving something to the world for public consumption, is "Don't read the reviews". Usually, this is to protect your mental health and keep you from spiraling out of control when people say ridiculous and nasty things about something you spent a long, hard portion of your life on. Keep your distance from the work, let it be received however it's received, and move on with your life.

And I get it, I do. But I can't seem to do it. Each day, multiple times a day if I'm being honest, I check my dashboard. Is someone reading on of the books? Did something sell? Are there new reviews? What about Goodreads, how's it doing over there?

Hello, my name is Dave and I'm addicted to reading reviews.

Thankfully, I can say that I have yet to have a review crush my soul in the way I've seen others talk about it. I've had a fair share of reviews that weren't ideal. A lot of times, they're either from someone who wasn't the ideal audience for the work, or someone who just had a difference of opinion on something. Not everyone will love the work, and that's to be expected.

However, I can also humbly say I've been blessed with a fair amount of people that have enjoyed the work. Bound To Parish has topped 110 reviews, and is at about a 4.5 on both Amazon and Goodreads. The people that find it seem to love it. And I'm happy for that, because I also love it.

Now, as Refining Ties gears up for release (March 2nd, if you haven't heard), I find myself getting anxious again. This happens every time, and I'm sure it will continue to happen until I put out the final book I ever produce. In checking orders and reviews, I also have been checking preorders (hey, Refining Ties is also available for preorder now, if you didn't know), and I'm up to 8. This is a measly number for some people, I'm sure, but it's the most preorders I've had on a book so far, and it's exciting! It's also terrifying.

What if something is majorly wrong with the story that I've missed? What if it's not an adequate follow up to the first? What if all the people that loved Bound To Parish absolutely HATE this one? Did I do the characters justice? Does it have enough atmosphere? Too much? Is it too cliche?

The amount of questions I could continue to list is too many to even think about. It doesn't help that I'm generally an anxious person already, so my mind is primed with questions to ask myself. Thew number of ways something could go wrong is always huge, and I'm great at thinking about them all. So what do I do in this situation? How do I keep myself from going completely mad?

One thing I've learned over my many years on Earth is that you have to know when to - pardon my French - not give a fuck. There's a line you have to draw. Watching sales, caring about the reviews and stars that I get on each book, reading the reviews (both critical and praising) is all well and good as long as you have a boundary of not giving a fuck. One thing I have going for me is the fact that I adore feedback. I would love to have people tell me what they did and didn't like about things, if for no other reason than to be able to produce better work in the future. I also know that some things will just be difference of opinion, and not every suggestion is the correct one. You have to have a way of feeling when advice is worth following and when it's not. You also have to understand that not all negative thoughts about something are direct attacks on you as a person. (Unless they are, in which case, screw those people)

Not giving a fuck - or shit, if that's more palatable for you - is something that comes in handy in any area of life. You need to care about things, sure, but there's a difference between caring and CARING. We were talking about this at work recently as well. At the day job, it's important to care about the work you do, and make sure you do the best you can. Same for writing. But you also have to know that there comes a time when, despite all the caring you may do, nothing will change the outcome. The annoying rule will still be in place, that new task will still need to get done, or that bad review will still live on, no matter how much you worry about it in your mind. The only thing that worry will do is give you a headache, or a deep, unending sadness. So at that point, why worry about it at all. If it's not going to change, what difference does it make? It happened, it sucks, and then you move on.

With writing, as I see the preorders come in, and the reads for Bound To Parish happen, I find myself in that worry, and I have to remind myself that there's nothing to be done about it. If someone doesn't like it, that's fine. For Refining Ties, it's a bit harder, since technically it's still within my control to change the story if something seems wrong, but by now, it better be as good as it's really going to get. I think it is, and that's the important part.

Do the best you can while you have control, and then release it to the world. Be prepared for feedback and critique, but take them all with a grain of salt. People will either love it or hate it, and that's ok. Move on to the next thing and do your best with that.

Until then, I'll be anxiously checking my dashboard for the next month.

-Dave