I know I ramble on here a lot about work taking it's toll on me, or writing ideas coming slowly and stressing me out, or life getting in the way of things, but I thought I'd ramble a bit more about it in a quick post today.
This blog has been a prime example of trying to find that balance. At the start, I was posting every Monday, with a fresh idea to explore, talking about tips and tricks that I've learned over my short and self-explorative writing career. I was pushing advice out to the would-be authors, the writers with dreams, the book lovers who want to dip their toes in the creation side. It was motivating for not only myself, but I hoped for others.
At the same time, I was working on a novel. I was exploring Instagram, TikTok, and Threads as new avenues of social media marketing. I was doubling down on Facebook. I was trying to put a big focus on the "business" side of being an indie author. Trying to get my name out there. Trying to "make it happen".
Then the first draft of Bound To Parish was done. And it needed a lot of work still.
I was already "pre-marketing" and trying to build hype for it, with the plan to release it early 2024. I was posting on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok...at least 3-5 times a week. I was still writing blog posts every Monday, with the occasional miss. But I was doing the damn thing. All while continuing to work the day job. It was happening.
Then the second draft of Bound To Parish went to the editor. She did an AMAZING job at helping sort out the struggles and the issues, tighten the work, and make it easily the best book it could be (and the best I've done to date as well).
The push continued. The build up to release, the ads, the marketing, the week long social media blast. It served its purpose, don't get me wrong, but it was nonstop promotional energy nevertheless.
The blog started slipping. I had nothing left in the chamber. I made some posts about sales and reviews and how Bound To Parish had been received, but overall it was more of this; the rambling, diary style entries that I write from the top of my head.
Release energy dissipated, and the fall back to the real world was hard and fast. At work, things were becoming overwhelming (especially when the side business of being an author was taking most of my brain power). At home, my air conditioning was being feisty and acting up as the heat of summer approached. Harley, who I'd had for about 6 months, was still settling in with mixed results - and a lot of scratches while we figured it out. On top of that, I was forcing myself to get back to writing. Get into the groove. Lock in on an idea and get the draft churned out so I could be ahead of the game for next year's hopeful release. Continue the grind of social media, blog content, and everyday life.
Then it all collapsed.
My brain imploded, and I fell back into old, bad habits. I wasted days playing games I'd already played, watching movies and TV shows I'd seen numerous times, and taking naps as much as I could. I was burnt out, and each day spent trying to recover from it caused more stress as I fought with the thought that I was falling even farther behind. The days wasted became weeks, which became months. I disappeared from social media, the blog, and to the best of my ability, real life as well.
I was just existing. Barely, but I was. Slowly, the stress melted away, the urge to push for the next story idea fizzled. The pressure that I was putting on myself lessened.
And that's when the ideas started to come. That's when the actual want to write started to return. That's when I remembered I am addicted to words and stories and exploring ideas.
And just like that, I returned. Did I return with the same energy I'd had last year? Not at all. But I returned with a new mindset and a new relaxed approach to the game. Less care for the "will be" and more for the "what is" (whatever that means?).
Now, as we roll into the middle of September and easily my favorite time of year, things are still chaotic. Work is still a constant stressor (although after meeting my long time virtual friend finally, less so), Harley still has her moments (although less so as we cultivate the mutual love for each other), and social media still takes its toll on me (as I start to get back into the rhythm. But writing has been coming slowly and steadily, and seeing a story develop in front of my eyes is reinvigorating that passion that started me down this path in the first place.
I needed to live life to love writing, and when I'm writing, I love life.
That's the balance.
-Dave
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